So you have a little one who is excelling at school, sports, or some other activity or area of study and you get the comment. You know… The Comment that many authoritative parents get…. “I wish my child was more like (……) She/He seams so focused and committed to her goal.” After your tenth or twelfth time of hearing this you have learned to say. “Thank you. It’s all her.” Deep down inside you know that this is not the case, but you know that that is the response that most people want to hear.
More times than you can count you have been privy to the “Oh…I don’t want to push my child” or “He has to lead” or “She will find her own way.” retorts to your truthful “We direct her/him” response and you have no interest in going down that road again. So what do you do?
- You make sure that you always know your audience.
It is said that the wisest people take time to observe and know their audience. You don’t have investment conversations with your habitually financially challenged Uncle. You don’t discuss your gluten free diet with your Mc Donald’s loving friends, and you don’t discuss authoritative parenting with your friends who parent otherwise. As my mother would say…
“There are all different kinds of parenting. It all boils down to what you can stand.” – Katie H.
- Associate with more like minded parents.
Birds of a feather flock together. No matter how hard you try. Your children will absorb the traits of their peers. So no matter how much you love Stephanie or Jaleesa, if their kids “Free Range” or “Self Guided” and are constantly out of control and that is not how you parent. Your interactions may need to be sans children.
- Keep directing your kids the way that you feel best. They are your children and they are here in hopes that they will receive your continued direction. Don’t remove it for anyone.
My sons first preschool teacher gave us a bit of knowledge that confirmed our style of parenting for us. She said and I quote…(Roughly)
“Children are always testing boundaries. They are constantly wondering who is in charge. They really want to know that the answer is not them. They would love it if you would confirm that the answer is you through high expectations, firm boundaries, and discipline. Imagine how scary it would be for a two year old to feel like she was the one in charge of her scary world. That is what you do when you are not an authoritative parent. You abandon them to try to find their way in this world with little or no knowledge of how this world really works. Poor behavior is just fear of the unknown and a call for help.”
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