Tag Archives: Parenting

First Born Child Story – SO AUTHORITATIVE PARENTISH!

I will never forget the birth of our first child.  Being in the hospital with our first born was quite interesting. People have all of these ideas about what they are going to do and what they are going to say and blah.. blah… blah… until the baby gets here. Then all bets are off. As soon as he was here I transformed into the ultimate protective parent. It was quite interesting.

The nurses however had no idea of the personality switch. I guess I should have warned them. HA! The funny thing was that to me it seemed as if the nurses somehow thought that they were entitled to my child. They didn’t know that I was raised by the ultimate authoritative parenting teacher and that like it or not her traits were going to emerge from her first student. So here is how it all went down…

Angry NurseA nurse, who we had never seen before,  entered our room (kinda barged in) and motioned for me to hand her our sleeping son. Who I had been holding for about thirty minutes. (NOT LONG ENOUGH FOR A NEW DAD!)

I was like, “Uhh NO”, but instead I remember saying something like. “What’s going on? Do we need to go somewhere?”… or something like that.

She looked at me in shock and responded, “It’s time for your son to have his bath.” I was like…”But, he is sound asleep.  He’s only been here for 30 minutes. Can this wait?”

She pulled out this brush that looked like the ones that I used to use on my head to make sure that the waves looked good and said, “We need to get all of that gook off of him.” Seeing the brush and feeling her not so friendly energy caused me to quickly jump to my son’s rescue.

“Oh… that’s okay ma’am we will wash him when we get home.” I replied.

“That’s not for another two days!” She exclaimed.

“I know. He will be fine. Besides we would like to wash him for the first time together at home.” I replied.

“But he has all of that stuff all over him.” she responded.

“I know, but I figure that he has had all of that “stuff” all over him for the past nine months. A couple more days won’t hurt him. Besides we would like to give him his first bath together.” I answered.

She looked at me and then turned to the other nurse who was entering the room preparing for this “long-babyawaited” bath and said. “The Father is refusing the bath.” I’ll spare you the rest of the details, but know that we bathed our son together at home for his first bath….no brushes or angry nurses. :-)

Don’t be afraid to claim every experience your child has. They came here to be guided by you and only you. Not grandma and grandpa, not teacher or coach, or aunt or uncle, but mom and dad! You are their guides throughout this life. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Stay awesome!

 

Parentpreneur – Who Is Raising Your Kids? – (Authoritative Parenting)

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You had kids to be around them!

You had kids to raise them and to improve their lives with YOUR leadership and guidance, but you find that you spend about 2-3 hours a day with them during the week. You probably spend more time in your car on your morning and evening commutes than you do with your family. You work 40+ hours a week to afford the “luxury” of regretfully dropping your kids off at daycare or at the sitter’s. You find yourself longing for the day that you can just hang out with your children. You dream of taking them on an extended vacation or educational trip where you your whole family goes to India or Europe or Japan for a month just to see what the rest of the planet looks like, but let me share with you a secret. Unless you make it a must like Tony Robbins says. It will never happen….

So, for you… Is it a must that you spend time with your kids, or is it a should? Is it a must that you raise your children with your values, your standards, and your guidance, or is it a should?

For our family it was a must. We were what some would call successful in our various careers, but we barely saw our children. I remember driving an hour to work and an hour home, and hoping to see our first born for maybe thirty minutes before he had to go to bed. (Sound familiar to any of you?) My wife would do the same. We would see each other for maybe an hour or two a day and long for the weekends with the hopes that we could do something on the weekends, but more often than not we were so tired that we spent most of Saturday sleeping in and most of Sunday regretting going to work on Monday.

Meanwhile, our son would come home with all of these ideas that were not in alignment with our vision for his life. Lots of limiting ideas and lots of behavioral traits that where not in alignment with what our family would accept. So we decided to make a change. We decided to take massive action, as Tony says.

We spent many years sacrificing, living in places that were not our dream homes, going without things that we knew would impress the neighbors, or would make others see us as successful. We created our dream business: an amazing acting school that offers professional acting classes in Denver.  We did it during a time of major recession, when most people would say that you can’t build a business. We did it for our children, and we did it because it was a must. Our must was that we would be the ones who would raise our children.

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We are now living our dream. As a parent, and especially a parent who falls into the authoritative parenting world, you must find a way to be with your child more than most parents do. Why? Because as we all know that if you don’t influence your children, someone else will.

The most influential person in your children’s life will be the one that they spend the most time with. Is that you? If not, you will want to examine your RPM.

  • What is the Result you are after?
  • What is the Purpose or reason for getting it? What is your WHY?
  • What is you Massive Action Plan?

Write down your answers to these questions – your RPM. The first two may come easily, while the third may take some serious work. There may be a lot of logistics involved, and you may need to figure it out with the input of other key players in your children’s lives. It may take years to implement, as ours did. However, if your Purpose, or Why, is strong enough for you – if it is a must – your mind will help you find a way.

Leave a comment below. Your children are waiting. :-)

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Your Kid Is Amazing At…

So you have a little one who is excelling at school, sports, or some other activity or area of study and you get the comment. You know… The Comment that many authoritative parents get…. “I wish my child was more like (……) She/He seams so focused and committed to her goal.” After your tenth or twelfth time of hearing this you have learned to say. “Thank you. It’s all her.” Deep down inside you know that this is not the case, but you know that that is the response that most people want to hear.

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More times than you can count you have been privy to the “Oh…I don’t want to push my child” or “He has to lead” or “She will find her own way.” retorts to your truthful “We direct her/him” response and you have no interest in going down that road again. So what do you do?

  • You make sure that you always know your audience. 

It is said that the wisest people take time to observe and know their audience. You don’t have investment conversations with your habitually financially challenged Uncle. You don’t discuss your gluten free diet with your Mc Donald’s loving friends, and you don’t discuss authoritative parenting with your friends who parent otherwise. As my mother would say…

“There are all different kinds of parenting. It all boils down to what you can stand.” – Katie H. 

  •  Associate with more like minded parents.

Birds of a feather flock together. No matter how hard you try. Your children will absorb the traits of their peers. So no matter how much you love Stephanie or Jaleesa, if their kids “Free Range” or “Self Guided” and are constantly out of control and that is not how you parent. Your interactions may need to be sans children.

  • Keep directing your kids the way that you feel best. They are your children and they are here in hopes that they will receive your continued direction. Don’t remove it for anyone.

My sons first preschool teacher gave us a bit of knowledge that confirmed our style of parenting for us. She said and I quote…(Roughly)

“Children are always testing boundaries. They are constantly wondering who is in charge. They really want to know that the answer is not them. They would love it if you would confirm that the answer is you through high expectations, firm boundaries, and discipline. Imagine how scary it would be for a two year old to feel like she was the one in charge of her scary world. That is what you do when you are not an authoritative parent. You abandon them to try to find their way in this world with little or no knowledge of how this world really works. Poor behavior is just fear of the unknown and a call for help.”

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